The Cottage

Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter

 

It seems as if the best way to not have any sympathy for victims in horror movies is to make them dirty slime ball crooks.  The UK does not differ much from the folks on this side of the Atlantic. We all seem to enjoy a good chase flick with a little gore and comedy. That’s where The Cottage delivers hands down.

            The movie involves 2 brothers who have kidnapped the daughter of a strip club who is involved in shady deals himself. The step brother is also involved and they plan on getting enough money to pay off a debt to save their family’s home. So the movie starts with the kidnapping going a little unexpected because the daughter is no victim. She almost escapes because one of the brothers is such a pussy that he almost gets beaten to death by her forehead. I guess that what he gets for looking at her tits. When the step brother shows up everything turns to turmoil because it’s obvious the owner of the club is on to them and he has sent some killers to take out our villains or should I say heroes. The fun starts with these 2 sick sadist Korean guys who already have someone with them with a reservation to knife land, but it seems as if someone is watching them.

            Have you seen hatchet yet? Did you know Victor Crowley has a cousin? Just kidding but there is some disfigured crazy guy running around with an axe and he doesn’t like strangers in his neck of the woods. Supposedly he was a farmer that got mutilated by some machinery and he tried to hide from the world but people just kept stopping by. So he cut their heads off and uses their faces for masks. Yeah I know it’s been done before but not too much on the UK side. So the Koreans are wiped away and all that is left is our buxom blonde and kidnappers. Let’s just say they really aren’t a match for our madman when they stab him with pick axes and he still does not die. Also getting your head chopped off running into bear traps isn’t that great either. Scene after scene of comedy gore made this movie and unexpected treat and there is a little surprise at the ending that completely sold me on the film. Let’s just say I’m interested to see if they make a sequel to this movie. I for sure will see you. You should see the first though. Go rent it.

7/10