The Tattooist Review

Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter

 

Now I’m a big fan of tattoos and when I heard of this movie I was really interested in seeing how this movie would work on 2 of my most beloved subjects, horror and tattoos.

Of course my expectations are never too high and when I saw that the movie starred the guy from Roswell, I knew I was in trouble. Have you guys ever seen that dude run? It’s fucking hilarious, it’s like his feet a fighting to touch the ground or something and his hips are too heavy. So anyway he is a tattoo artist that specializes in healing tattoos. Even though everyone tells him its bullshit he is pretty keen on his craft. While at a convention he sees this Samoan cutie at a table and goes after her. Now let me stop there and tell you that this guy is not your ordinary bad ass tattoo artist that never wears shirts and rides badass bikes and dig chicks that fight. No this guy is a green drink, no alcohol, wheat grass eating, tattooed hippy guy that has a knack for stealing peoples ideas to make him famous. So he follows the girl back to a tent to witness an actual tattooing Samoan style going on right there. So what does our little vegan ink man do, he steals one of there tools of course.

            Now this movie involves a vengeful spirit who is awaken after the tool is taken and that puts me in a pang brothers type of mind to wonder ok so what happened to this thing in the past to piss it off and how long do we have to wait for a body to show up hidden somewhere. Romance ensues between the two and our buddy takes residences in a local shop to continue his craft and runs a cross a brother and sister who soon get tainted tattoos and suffer ink filled deaths from our spirit that seems to…um…Tattoo them to death. Now maybe that would be bad ass If the spirit had a like a huge tattoo gun and like tattooed their eyeballs and shit, but no all this thing does is hop on top of you and tap his stick on you and believe me it’s not sexy. There is some hidden secret, a body is found and blah blah blah movie over kisses and stuff. Not at all scary and I though it had potential to be a lot more disgusting. I believe you can wait for it to hit the movie stations on cable.

5/10