Survival of The Dead Review

Survival of the Dead Review

Reviewed by Nyquill of the Gutter

Ok I know I have been slacking but this is one of those movies that have been sitting in my download cue for like 3 months and I finally put it to work and watched it. Man I wished I would have watched this earlier to save myself from the ups and downs that is George Romero’s newest chapter in his Zombie lore. Survival of the Dead kind of picks up where the Diary was going; if that’s what you want to call it because I felt that movie was going nowhere. There was a scene in Diary of the Dead where the kids in the film crew were robbed by a group of soldiers and these soldiers (or what’s left of them) are the new stars of this latest entity of this still existing franchise. There is also a small island off of Delaware that has 2 old Irish families as its leaders (on some Hatfield and McCoy’s type stuff) that the residents have completely parted ways due to the issue that some want to try to keep the dead there and make them perform duties that would suit them (um slaves George? Seriously?). Then the rest of the island natives want to kill off all the dead and keep the virus out of their land. Of course the smartest decision (to kill all the zombies) gets cast aside and they exile the Captain O’Flynn from the island that he called home because they did not agree with his slaughter them first ask questions later tactics. This is a zombie world, and I don’t know about you but I would have been right on the boat with Flynn, I slaughter first that’s why I have over an 80% percent chance of surviving a zombie attack, but that’s for another time. Anyway, the soldiers are doing what they can do to survive and I’ll be honest with you for the first couple parts of this movie I had no problem. I thought it started off with a lot of potential it was way more aggressive in the first 10 minutes than the whole film of Diary, and yes the zombies were moving slow just like they were supposed too. One of the beautiful aspects of all prior to Land of and even Land of to some extent (though I will never agree with you guys that that is a good film) is that Romero always gave you enough of the characters in the film that you related to them. They became your neighbor, you police officer, your butcher at the deli, daughter etc. He always did a good job of making the common folk the hero and staying very political on his distrust and views on our government and military forces. In this film, just like diary the characters really don’t matter except for the O’Flynns and Muldoon who bring the movie to their home for the conclusion.

Now I know there were a lot of problems with this film as the soldiers found a way to get to the island through various hicks and a spotty internet reception. They also come upon an abandoned armored car that has over a million dollars in it. After some maneuvering around the last of the dead at a nearby dock, in which one of the soldiers swims to retrieve a ferry and decides to bite off the finger of the contaminated that is reaching for him under water (like we don’t know what happens from here) they make it to the island to find weird things going on. I know you hated the zombie on the horse but if you have been followings Romero’s films religiously (like most of you) then you would understand since Day of the Dead (my personal favorite) Romero has always been showing an evolution of the creatures. Whether it’s shooting guns, coming to the mall, or riding horses Romero has shown us that no matter how carnal and primal we as humans become familiarity is a trip we can’t get rid of in this narcissistic lifestyle we have created for ourselves. So let the dead zombie ride her horse and shut up. The only part of interest in this section of the film is when Muldoon has a theory that they could stop the dead from eating humans and have them eat others things like horses, pigs, you know all the things they ate when they were alive. It seems as if it’s a failed experiment and the clash between Flynn and the soldiers against Muldoon escalates to a magnitude where I swear there were guns fight scenes that had zombies walking right behind the shooters and not attacking? Then it just got out of hand with all the remaining zombies on the island getting set free and of course the over used and abused by Romero himself person on the grown being pulled apart by multiple zombies scene is there and by the conclusion of the film I start to wonder if this movie was supposed to be a comedy that fell flat.

I’m sorry folks but with all the fast zombie movies and virus quarantine type things out there unfortunately I don’t see any need for Romero to be in the genre anymore. He reinvented and put a stamp on it that no one will ever be able to take away from him. Seriously though George I think it’s time to call it a day. I’ll be a fan forever of you and your franchise but it’s time to step out of the zombie movies if you do anything else in horror. I know you can and I’ll be waiting and so will everyone else! Wait for this on Sci Fy 31 days of Halloween, it will be on there I promise!

5/10

Legion Review

Legion Review
Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter
So as my wife and I walked into the theatre I really had small expectations on how this movie would turn out. With angels being bad I really couldn’t see the horror factor being played out right , but hey there have been renegade angel movies that turned out pretty good (Prophecy anyone?) So I put my best face on and gave it my all. Let me tell you my preconceived notions were right. Nothing good can come from this and here is why.
So who knows and who cares about the small town that a diner is located in that seems to have its usual bevy of regulars. They shortly go through tad bits of info on the characters but they don’t give much. The only initial mystery is there is a waitress who is pregnant yet she will not disclose any information on the father. There is also a guy madly in love with her and does not care if she has a baby on the way or not, and the rest of the town folk think that is just foolish. So just like in the teasers an elderly woman appears out of nowhere and comes in the diner looking like a lost patron wanting a bite to eat. She orders a raw steak and makes some evil comment to the pregnant waitress on how her baby is going to burn! I really don’t have to tell you what is next because you saw it on the commercial. Then after disposing of the body they all feel it’s time to go because clearly there is a problem with an old lady crawling on the roof. Leaving does not go in their favor and they are immediately attacked by a cloud of flies and decide the shelter of the diner would best suit them. Then our hero arrives! He is a renegade angel that explains to them that god is pissed and he has sent his best angels out to make sure that the pregnant lady does not have her baby. For some reason (which they never explain in the film) the kid is the key to our salvation. Now normally when I leave the theatre on an unresolved issue (remember how you felt after the first time you saw Donnie Darko?) it gives me goosebumps and begging for more, but when they don’t even explain the reason behind the whole concept of the movie then we have a problem. So the reason all these people are coming to get the baby is because they are possessed by angels and they have no idea they are about to get pumped full of lead by patrons at the last diner on earth (which in my opinion would be a better title for the film). They show flashbacks of our renegade angel have conversation with another which I guess is at the fortress of heaven? Wtf? Let me also ask how and angel can talk behind gods back in the shadows of the heavens fortress without God hearing? Can someone please explain that to me? I didn’t think you could. Well anyway so a bunch of possessed people get shot up then the more bad ass angel shows up and him and our hero have themselves a little angel fight. Which was the worst moment of this movie, I swear I was coming to see a horror movie not street fighter alpha 4 angels’ edition!! So all in all the baby comes the angles says there is still more to be done and they drive off into the sunset! That’s it. Really I’m not lying people that’s it. That’s the whole goddamn movie. Pathetic with a capital P. Nothing about the film was scary because the scary parts were in the teasers on TV. I have nothing more for you on this one. Please don’t waste any of your hard earned money on this one. No theatre no netflixs no nothing. Just wait until next Halloween when this tragedy of a film with be on the 31 days of Halloween on a Scfy! The true sad part about this whole experience is the director and lead actor have another movie due t hit theatres in a few called “Priest”(I know right somebody has a god complex) which looked good preview wise until I saw this crap! Thanks for your time people and leave this one alone. 1/10

Horsemen Review

Horseman review

Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter

So when I was drawn into the Taken hype along with everyone else, I watched that movie with a sense of why I didn’t watch it in the first place. Old people doing unbelievable acts of courage ala Jason Bourne style. Sorry it just does not work for me. So When I saw Dennis Quaid was in the movie I was expecting him to be this Robert Langdon type character chasing after the occult and solving this mystery of the infamous Horsemen of the apocalypse. Then the film started out with Silence of the lamb type gore with food serving trays and looks of utter disgust from all who witness. You come to find out someone has removed all the teeth of some victim and there is a possibility that the person maybe still alive. The next section involves the lovely lady from Crouching tiger aka Go Go Miss Ziyi Zhang.

Of course this makes the film a lot more appealing now as she becomes the key character to give Mr. Quaid information about The Horsemen. She is somehow linked and you find out that this is a computer organization with members everywhere. This is when the movie goes sour. So somehow through all of this there is a sub story involving Quaid and his two sons. There mother has died and Quaid’s occupation has a rough schedule on the boys. So it’s no surprise when you find out that his head son is involved with the cult. I thought that would make him go after the bad guys even more, but I was glad the movie ended right there because it was really not going anywhere anyway. How do you kill something you can’t find because of so many members? Turn it off thats how. This film had good potential until you found our who did the killings. Then they rushed the rest of it like I’m doing this review. Just wait to catch it one night on Starz when your high it may be worth it then.

5/10